The Last Year of My 20's

In 17 days I will turn 29. Wow, it's really hard to believe because I don't feel or...ahem, look 29 for that matter, but it's true and it's coming! I was talking with a coworker about this and my 30 Before 30 list and below is the email she sent me:

By Dabzy Senna

"A decade ago you scibbled a list on the back of a napkin. 'The Ten Year Plan' You were like that back then: always making lists.

This one involved a marriage to your college sweetheart, a brownstone in Brooklyn, two adorable children, a Land Rover with mud in the tires, a California hideaway.

Those were the years you moved a lot, from apartment to apartment, as if you were running from the law. Temporary living spaces for a temporary girl. You did not believe in roots. You preferred sublets, being surrounded by other people's tastes and smells. You survived on take-out: a steady supply of moo shu pork and falafel.

You wore cheap shoes and drank too much and prowled the city til the wee hours, yet somehow were able to drag yourself to work the next morning. You assumed all love affairs ended; that was built into the arrangement. Everything seemed disposable.

It is ten years later. You are some where between 27 to 35. Somewhere along the way you forgot to get married forgot to invest in property, forgot to have some kids. You are in therapy. You have fine lines around your eyes. You wear comfortable shoes because you have to. When you drink too much you feel it for days. You simply cannot stay up all night.

When you look back over your shoulder you see all the mistakes you made. Breaking up with the boy who made you laugh for the moody artist who later dumped you. Twice. Maxing out that credit card. Making a fool out of yourself in public that night in the bar on LaFayette Street. Your 25th birthday bash. (you were the life of the party who almost killed herself with martinis). Mangling your feet in shoes half a size too small. Burning your skin to a crisp in hopes it would reveal your hidden ethnicity. Not saying thank you.

These days you attend a lot of baby showers and weddings. Your gynecologist, on your last visit, said, "you have 3 years before you have to worry."

You cant wait three years to worry - and so you do worry.

But sometimes you still feel 22. Other times you just feel lucky. It seems a miracle to survive one's 20s with body and soul somewhat intact. And then there are those moments when you are filled with the thrill of being an adult woman who nobody to answer to but herself. In these moments you are happy you didn't get what you wanted on that list by the age of 32. Because for now, in this moment, you have what you didn't have when you were 22: youth and experience, freedom and a sense of limits.

You have not gotten around to making g a new Ten Year Plan. You are not as certain about anything as you were at 22: what you desire, who you will become. You are confused and you are searching. There are new mistakes to make. Your sadness is deeper and your happiness feels richer. Everything matters."

I like it so I thought I would share it. I'm currently working on my 30 Before 30 list and will share it with everyone very soon. I know you're on the edge of your seat waiting!