To be tested or not to be tested

Being tested for the BRCA1 & BRCA2 gene was something I was sure I wanted to do. That was before I received the paperwork from my insurance company. Now the questionnaire packet that is half filled out mocks me from atop my kitchen counter.


Is the hard part filling out DOD for my relatives, writing down what their cause of death or reliving the feelings that came with their death? No. I think what keeps stopping me from completing it is that I may actually find out if there's a good chance I'll have cancer someday. Then I'll have to do something about it.



I lost my Mother last June. She battled stage 4 ovarian cancer for 3 1/2 years before she passed away. It was/is/will always be the most devastating thing that could ever happen to me. I'm sure that if there's a way I could prevent myself from the devastation of advanced cancer I would do it, right?



Perhaps putting off the family history questionnaire is my subconscious telling me that I don't want to know. That I should just keep doing what I'm doing. Be proactive, go in for check-ups and demand thorough explanations and exams. But then I think of my Mother. She never missed a check-up, she was never really even sick. I'm torn, but a decision needs to be made before I'm no longer approved for this opportunity. I was sure. I had my mind made up, now I'm not so sure and even more confused than when I began.